Talking to Your Parents
Many people's first instinct is to move their parents into their own homes. And while this is often a first--and sometimes the best--solution, it's one that If the meeting is likely to be difficult, an outside facilitator such as a social. You probably see at least one of them every day and, over your lifetime, they're likely to influence you more than anyone else you will meet. So if your dad. Sometimes you really need to talk with mom or dad. But it's not always easy. Here are tips on how to have a good talk.
Give details that can help parents understand your situation. Explain what you think, feel, and want. If you're always honest, a parent will be likely to believe what you say. If you sometimes hide the truth or add too much drama, parents will have a harder time believing what you tell them.
If you lie, they'll find it hard to trust you. Try to understand their side. If you have a disagreement, can you see your parents' side? If you can, say so. Telling parents you understand their side helps them be willing to see yours, too. Try not to argue or whine. Use a tone that's friendly and respectful. That makes it more likely parents will listen and take what you say seriously. It also makes it more likely that they'll talk to you in the same way.
Share the good stuff, too. Make it a habit to talk to your parents about things besides problems. Share what goes well for you, too. Tell them about a good part of your day, a grade you're proud of, or a funny joke a friend told you. Talking helps you be close and enjoy each other more. What if It Doesn't Work? Most of the time, you and your parents can have a good talk and make at least some progress. Adaptive clothing makes dressing a snap. Multigenerational living can be a marvelous bonding experience, a chance for you to know your parent in a new way.
It helps your aging parent avoid the sense of isolation and depression that may come with living alone.
By this time in life, however, you both have established ways of doing things. Your likes, dislikes, values and personalities have evolved. No matter how close and loving your relationship may be, adding another person to the household changes the dynamics for the entire family. The journey will be smoother if you and your loved one go in with eyes open. Before you settle your parent into the guest room, ask yourself these questions.
How will the move involve my spouse, children and siblings? Are there unresolved issues between me and my parent? My spouse and my parent? Does this mean remodeling our house or adding a bedroom or bathroom? Do I expect other family members to pitch in? Can we afford the extra expense? Will I need to quit work or alter my schedule? Will we take my parent with us on vacation or get respite care?
Are there issues such as smoking, drinking or pets that we need to work out?
Does my parent have any tendencies that bother or upset me? Can they be tamed? How will I establish boundaries? How do I feel about accepting this role? Your parent should consider these questions.
Will the move take me away from people or activities I Iove? I joined him, glass of wine in hand, and we hugged. Saturday turned out to be relaxing and calm, probably because we didn't do anything I had planned. On Sunday, we went for lunch at a close friend's house but I monopolised the conversation. My friend and I often take turns losing it, crying and babbling. That Sunday, it was my turn — but I was taking my turn far too often these days.
At home, I repacked my barely touched suitcase and Dave and I fell into bed as soon as Bella's lights were out. The following morning, I felt different as we rushed out of the house at 6am, crossing paths with Bella's nanny, Anna, who looked after her between 6am and 8am and took her to a preschool breakfast club.
Bella was being looked after by three sets of people before and after school to enable us to work. Anger at being made to fail at the one thing I wanted to do perfectly.
I ran back into the house. Anna told me off for waking up Bella, but I needed to see her look at me and sink into the hug and kiss before another week away. I had always wanted children. I'd had plenty of time to dream up the kind of mother I would become.
Considering Moving Your Loved One into Your Home?
I wanted to be there for my child, just like my own mother, who had always been there when we came home from school. But Dave and I also wanted to do it our way.
I modelled my own maternal aspirations around the stereotypical American sitcom mum. We would have a bond that meant my daughter would talk to me if she were being bullied and, later, would ask me about contraception and drugs. But how could that bond be built if I wasn't there? I sat on the 6.
Talking to Your Parents
My mother was an active feminist. I had studied her copy of The Female Eunuch at university.
I tapped away on my phone at breakneck speed. I didn't even want to pause to pull out my laptop.
Considering Moving An Aging Parent Into Your Home?
The world had made me believe that, because I had a few brain cells, I could be Kate Adie and also have six children. Hard work and ambition had enabled me to skip through my early adult life.
In my 20s, I schmoozed in the dotcom boom in San Francisco, served caviar and champagne care of the venture capitalists. Nothing could stop me.Do THIS When You Meet Her Parents
That is, until I got married and had a child.