7 Tips For Discussing Relationship Problems Without Creating Drama | Thought Catalog
All couples run into relationship issues. Relationship Problem: Communication Talk about caring for your parents as they age and how to. Problems are bound to arise in any relationship, and each couple finds its Start by talking about your view of the problem, your worry, your. Many men thought I was doing a "hit job" on men and blaming men for every problem in a relationship. Actually, I specifically indicated that.
As I spent a bit more time validating and listening and supporting, I found that the people I was helping were more willing to hear my rationality and problem-solving when we got around to it. And, much to my surprise, some didn't need a problem to be solved. They needed someone to care about the fact they had a problem. Listening Is Not Agreeing Sometimes we have the belief that the listener should agree with everything we say and be just as upset as we are.
That's the only way to show that he or she is really listening. Listening is hearing, understanding, reflecting, and processing information.
The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems -- And How To Fix Them - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
I can listen to your thoughts and feelings without agreeing with your point of view. You and I are different people. It doesn't mean I don't care for you if I don't agree with you. It means I am hearing you. But sometimes the speaker can attack the listener for not agreeing percent. That seems unrealistic and unfair. We all need to accept the differences that make us unique.
The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems — And How To Fix Them
In fact, the differences can be opportunities for growth. When you talk to someone who understands you and cares about your feelings -- but doesn't agree with your interpretation of events -- it opens your mind to the fact that there is more than one way to think about things. Respect Advice If you are turning to your partner for support and advice you are likely to get feedback -- probably some advice.
Now, you might be unfortunate and get sarcasm and contempt -- the predictors of divorce. But let's assume that your partner is trying to do what he or she can to be supportive -- but it's not exactly what you want. Maybe the advice is not helpful, maybe it's irrational. But if you want to be heard, you have to be willing to respect the advice-giver.
How to Approach Big Issues in Your Relationship
You don't have to take the advice or like the advice. But if you are playing to an audience that you then attack you won't have an audience the next time around. Think of advice or feedback as information -- take it or leave it. But don't hit the other person over the head with it. As I said, you might just want to vent, share feelings, explore your thoughts.
But I think it also makes sense -- some of the time -- to describe potential solutions if you describe potential problems. I actually love to jump to problem-solving as I "admitted" earlier but it may be premature with some people.
But if you are a speaker you might consider this as an option -- describe a solution if you describe a problem. Your solution doesn't have to be an order to do something. It can be tentative, reasonable, one of several possibilities. In fact, if you begin thinking of the problem as something to solve, you might begin feeling more empowered. But it's your call if you want to go there now -- later -- or never. Validate the Validator One of the most helpful things that you can do as a speaker is to support the person who is supporting you.
You don't want to be a downer and you don't want to act entitled to every minute of the other person's time. Think about it from their point of view. They are listening to you go on about something that is bothering you. As we sat down and the conversation opened up, I decided to share with him my intention and desire for the conversation, beyond the topic for discussion.
I used the analogy that if either of us were unhappy about something and the other person or both of us were unwilling to communicate about it, then that would be like sticking a thorn in our relationship and choosing to allow it to deteriorate. By sharing this, he immediately opened up because he knew where I was coming from and that my intention was positive and for the good of our relationship.
He could relate to that because he desires and intends the same thing.
Be prepared to lead the conversation. If you plan a time to talk with your partner about an issue in your relationship, be prepared to lead the way. My boyfriend and I have had several deep conversations over the last few months. So, at this point, I knew it was best for me to be prepared. I knew what the topic of conversation was, but I failed to produce anything productive, at least, not right off the bat.
Take responsibility for, honor, and share your feelings. If I had continued to hide how I felt and just talked about how to solve the problem, then I would have continued to feel like something was wrong. I eventually want to withdraw. What kind of story do you tell? When your partner describes your relationship to others, what kind of story do they tell?
Does the story minimize the negatives and celebrate the positives? Did it make the other person sound great? They really emphasize what was missing.
They nurture gratitude instead of resentment.
7 Tips For Discussing Relationship Problems Without Creating Drama
For more on what research says makes love last, click here. Negativity feeds on itself and makes the conversation stay negative. The New Science of Love: Now you should stop talking. When their partners have a problem, they drop everything and listen non-defensively with empathy. You can edit these videotapes together and it looked like the same conversation over and over for 22 years.
Masters learn to accept what will not change and focus on the positive. Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling. The 3 things that prevent them: Keep a cool head and resist emotional inertia. One last thing that really blew me away: